Moesel Has Cake and Eats It Too
Nearly Spews It 5 Hours Later

WOBURN (AP) Chris Moesel woke up this morning, thinking it would be a day like any other day. But he was wrong-- today would be a day of utter sweetness... and eventually, a night of surprising sourness. Sourness like when you have an itch in your ear and you dig in with your finger to get it and then forget that you had done that and 10 minutes later put your finger in your mouth and wish for a moment that you had no fingers or no mouth at all. Yes, folks, it was that disgusting. But at 9am that morning, as Moesel's teeth dipped into the tender doughiness of a Krispy Kreme doughnut, he did not know that. Aside from being later than usual to work, things were looking up.

After all, a wise man once said,
"He who starts his day, eating Krispy Kreme,
never truly wakes, and lives the day a dream."

Work was no more and no less than Moesel expected. Well, perhaps a little more-- but let's not argue over details. After work, Moesel found himself at the home of his friend, officemate, and drummer of the "severely entertaining" band Saturday Evening Posterchild. Yes, there is one man who fits all of these descriptions, and his name is Andrew. Here, Moesel and Andrew had Birthday cake. The cake was reportedly immensely good.

The Red Sox completely smashed up the Tampa Bay Devil Dogs that afternoon. The score was 22-4, and Nomar had hit 3 homeruns. Manny only hit two. Silly Manny... So, life was sweet for Moesel. Sweet like sugar coated sugar cubes with sugar on top. That night, however, the Red Sox took a 4-0 lead into the ninth inning and blew it-- against the worst team in baseball. This, dear readers, is the cruel stench, the bitter pill, the anti-cake, that entered Moesel's life tonight.

After all, a wiser man than the wise man heretofore mentioned in this article once said,
"A Krispy Kreme can lift your soul but,
Red Sox fans need more than a donut."