Wednesday, September 04, 2002

Moesel In Bad Company

GREEN BAY (AP) Chris Moesel may not be who you think he is. That's right... All these years we though he was a kind, loving, compassionate young man... Mothers around the world sang of the virtues of their daughters, hoping he just might hear. Bosses across the globe engaged in bidding wars for his supreme wisdom and skill. Priests and nuns from every remote village wished for the day that he might join their parish.

But something is dreadfully wrong.

Moesel in the NWO?

Moesel has been seen around the world, but no one ever thought we'd find him here, in the NWO. His parents were unavailable for comment. Hollywood Hulk Hogan, however, was available.

US: Mr. Hogan, Sir, thank you for agreeing to talk to us.

HOGAN: Let me tell you something. The name Hulk Hogan, the man Hulk Hogan, is big-- bigger than anyone else out their in the ring. The people want to hear what I've got to say, Brother, and I'm going to say it.

US: Is it true that Chris Moesel has joined the NWO?

HOGAN: Yes, Amigo, the New World Order has just gotten more powerful than ever before. You thought we were bad before-- Maniac Moz piles on the heat 50,000 times. The man is crazy-- he's a machine, Brother, and he's fightin' on my side. So you best watch out!

US: Some people have expressed outrage at Moesel's affiliation with you and the NWO. For many, there is only one question, "Why?... Why?"

HOGAN: What'cha gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild through you?

Sunday, September 01, 2002

Moesel Spotted Again!

TAUMATAWHAKATANGIHANGAKOAUAUOTAMATEA-TURIPUKAKAPIKIMAUNGAHORONUKUPOKAIWHENUAKITANATAHU (AP) Less than one week after Chris Moesel was first spotted at a rural train station in Northern Whales, he has now been seen in New Zealand. What type of train brought him all of the way to New Zealand? No one knows for sure. Travel experts from suggest that Moesel most-likely did not take a train the entire way.

We paid good money for this candid photo of Moesel.


We are willing to pay good money to to anyone who can identify the people Moesel is with? Who are they? Friends? Family? Foreign Diplomats? Kidnappers? People who found Chris after he had slipped and fallen while in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll-llantysiliogogogoch and took advantage of his amnesia by moving to Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamatea-turipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu and claiming to be his parents, all the while calling him Roy because they do not know that his real name is Chris?